Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Hindi Ki Gaaliyaan

Hi again, this is amit x, wanting to share with you some of the nuances of Hindi which will help you survive north of the Vindhyas. Yes, as you guessed right, I am taking the help of a bloody dark skinned, curd rice eating Southie with his oily scalp resembling a Nepali chooth (Yes, we love to lay, rape and subjugate our Himalayan neighbours) to translate what I am speaking in my beloved Hindi. Better than these southies any day saala, the fucking stare at that hippopotamus Namitha all day and masturbate . . .

Hindi is such a complex and diverse language, almost as diverse as our caste system .. since the rapidex book purchased by most of our parents was unfortunately devoid of the letter 'h', we would like to use the term Jat for the caste as well as for foliage!! since, we're all united in our boorishness when we come down south, we also believe in imposing our wonderful language on these uncultured dravidian barbarians!! We are so intolerant that we dropped Dinesh Karthik from the Indian Cricket Team because his surname was spelt wrong, like a bloody Nigger southie . .. .everyone knows that it is spelt as K-A-R-T-I-K. The name should carry the bite of a bloodsucking tick!! Our parents were smart beerye, a name with an extra 'h' would definitely be hard to spell, ki we atleast get 5 marks in dictation for spelling our name correctly. Enough about spellings you bloody southie, hundred odd words in english strung together is giving me a headache, matlab yeh bahut nainsafi hai.

I am tryying to get these Southies to atleast count in hindi numbers bhai. . . . how can they not understand what ikatees is! Thats the number of states you have in India if you count Meri Diilli! Arre yaar, they are so boring down in Chennai . .no place to go only, just their usual german film festivals and all. who can spend an entire evening reading angrej subtitles other than a southie. there aren''t even Nepali women here to grope! Arre Amit, thu idhar aaao, I am dying here. recently I walked into a 5 star disco, but the dj is refusing too play any bhangra. . . he is just playing ssoome sickening jungle trance!! Thats the fiirst time in my life that ii have been to a disco without having listened to the words 'munde' or 'kudiya' for over 3 hours. To add to my agony, i had to come back to my room in a shared auto with a bunch of Tamil rowdies who threw me weird stares when I called my father a madarchodh over the phone! How wrong is that, we northies call everyone a madarchodh, just don't mention whose mother, thats all!!!

You finally know what pisses me off the most about southies????? they don't use enough bloody punctuation marks . . . . don't they understand that punctuation marks are the first chapter in RAPIDEX???

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